Thursday, January 15, 2009


Every year the controversy over same sex marriage and gay adoptions make headlines. With the gay marriage ban in California protests are being held nation wide. Below is a story that comes from the Burlington Post. This couple has been together for almost 18 years and are demonstrating a committment that is present in precious few heterosexual relationships - so what's the problem?


Halton couple shares adoption success story
Same-sex partners adopt three siblings out of foster care
Melanie Cummings, Special To Burlington Post

Published on Jan 11, 2009
Yo Mustafa and Paul Groulx went from zero to three children in a matter of six months.

The adoptive parents’ days are now filled with the stuff of most attentive, loving parents: meals, laundry, chauffeuring, overseeing homework and chores amid feelings of worry, joy, frustration and laughter. And all of this is followed by a general weariness that comes from a full day of activity.

Their three boys, Adam, 13, and 11-year-old twins James and Matthew (not their real names) Groulx-Mustafa are absorbed in sports, arts, playing with friends and a myriad of other interests typical for their age.

For Yo and Paul, their previous life of dining out daily and free time outside of work spent relaxing or socializing has been replaced by kid-focused errands, parent-teacher interviews, soccer game schedules and daily dinner time chats at home.

In fact, friends and family were more worried that Yo and Paul would be unable to take on the role of parenting because of their extroverted ways, not because they are a same-sex couple raising children.

Both say that when they made their vows to each other in a Quaker-style commitment ceremony back on July 21, 1991 — two years after they had met — becoming parents was a mutual goal.

Four years ago that dream came true. Back in July 2003 the pair started their search by attending an Adoption Council of Ontario information evening. The council is a non-profit collective of the adoption community, such as children’s aid societies.

The two men had no preference for age or gender prior to their search, which is another way their story smashes the myths surrounding adoption in so many ways. Older children do need and want adoptive families and all types of people are eligible to adopt, from single adults to families with children, to same-sex couples.

Mustafa and Groulx’s only stipulations were to adopt within Canada.

“International adoption was wrong for us,” said Yo. And while each could adopt as a single dad, neither Paul nor Yo were keen on going that route either. They preferred to adopt as a duo.

When confronted with the breadth of the need at that information evening, “I was an emotional mess,” said Yo. Currently, there are more than 2,500 children legally available for adoption in Ontario. Left to search through a bevy of booths detailing heartwrenching stories of the province’s youngest citizens, Paul continued on and found the three brothers.

It was neglect that brought Adam, James and Matthew into the care of Children’s Aid. At the time, Adam was six years old and the twins 3-1/2. They were in foster care two years before they came to Paul and Yo’s attention.

To expedite the average two-year wait for the Halton CAS to do a home study for two years, the prospective parents hired a private practitioner footing the $2,000-$3,000 expense. Over six weeks the social worker interviewed the couple — four times together and each separately — probing Paul and Yo’s financial, medical and physical states. Each had to get a police background check done and provide adoption authorities with seven reference letters.

The pair also attended a three-day parenting workshop learning about setting limits, attachment and issues faced by children from institutional and foster homes. No matter how many workshops they attended, preparing for life with a three-dimensional child in the house was a different story, said Paul.

“It was an emotional roller coaster,” said Yo.

Nevertheless, the hard work paid off. Paul and Yo were given the nod for multiple adoptions. They sent their application for the three boys to Sudbury and one week later were on their way to the Northern Ontario city.

“We made a five-hour trip in record time,” said Yo of their shared excitement and anxiety about meeting the boys they had seen only in photos. The first meeting went well. Paul brought a photo album of their pets, nieces and nephews to give the boys a glimpse of the lives he and Yo had built together. While the twins James and Matthew were amenable to them, the eldest, Adam, expressed reservations. His questions of these two strangers were simple and direct. He asked Paul and Yo, ‘Are you gay?’, ‘Do you love each other?’ and ‘Who would be the stay-at-home parent?’ To the first two Paul and Yo replied with a firm, truthful and obviously convincing ‘Yes’. To the third question, Yo assured that he would design his work schedule around their school life, working only between 9 a. m. and 3 p. m. Adam gave his resounding approval by replying, ‘Cool’.

After that initial introduction, Paul and Yo were speechless and unable to sleep that night. “We were so emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted,” said Yo. They stayed the weekend, taking the kids to lunch and a movie, playing games and chatting. “It felt like the most natural arrangement. We loved it,” said Paul. By Sunday dinner even the foster mom had given her blessing to the adoption. “I cried all the way home,” said Yo.

Between March 19 and May 15 and on top of their demanding work weeks — Paul is a family lawyer and Yo is an actor/instructor — they dutifully drove up every weekend staying at the foster family’s home and eventually taking over the parenting role. Paul felt the chemistry. He could see the twins were starving for affection and he and Yo were both willing to fill their need. Adam, ever the worrier, warmed up to them eventually.

In short order Paul became ‘Dad’ and Yo ‘Baba’ — a nod to his Turkish culture — which means Dad. Friends organized a shower to celebrate their new arrivals.

Yo, Paul and the boys almost immediately outgrew their two-bedroom downtown Oakville apartment — where the appeal of shopping, restaurants and entertainment was quickly substituted with the suburban, family-friendly atmosphere of Milton. They moved four years ago from a two-bedroom apartment to a two-storey home.

These parents firmly stick by the self-imposed rule not to speak ill of the boys’ birth mom and encourage them to stay in touch with their natural sisters aged 19 and 18. “We have to think of things from the kids’ perspective,” said Paul.

“I’m so proud of all three boys,” said Yo. While eyebrows sometimes are raised upon discovering the boys have two dads, Adam, James and Matthew take it all in stride.

“Our lives together have never been about shocking people but about education and love,” said Paul.


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  3. I would anticipate that there are those of you who are capable of presenting your opinions without being crass or just plain idiotic. This subject is certainly one that brings heated and passionate debate on both sides of the issue. Hopefully, the adults among us can engage in that sort of thing without the hysterical rantings of the juveniles who seek nothing more than attention.

    The question here is who does same sex marriage or gay adoption hurt?

  4. Self hating gays are the ones hurt and scared by this.

    A straight person has nothing to fear from this. Only someone who is gay themselves but has been told by peer pressure that being gay is wrong is bothered by this.

    That's why I maintain, if you find someone bashing homosexuality all the time, they are gay themselves but have been taught by society to hate themselves for it. SO they actually have to lash out at real gays in order to make themselves feel better.

    And to those wanting to use selective passages out of the bible to bash gays, remember the bible talks a lot more about heterosexual sin than homosexual sin. Jesus never even brought up the topic of homosexuality in the bible.

    As a straight married man, gays don't pose a threat to me. So I hold nothing against them just for being gay.


    Ain't love grand! Just add the words "love" to something sick that you like and it's acceptable! Add "hate" to something you dislike and it becomes evil! Neat!

  6. Fuck faggots. It is just so wrong that we can't call them cocksuckers in public without fear of legal issues.

    When I was younger and lived in Fort Worth Texas there is a place called the Watergardens where fags congrugate, some of my earliest fondest memories is pouring a bucket of cold water on them while they were preforming unnatural acts such as kissing each other.

    Now here is where that knee jerk liberal puke Schwartz is going to say, "Oh your are just a closet dick sucker." No. The whole act of seeing a man kiss another man makes me sick to my stomach and I want to throw up. Faggorty is unnatural and goes against god.

  7. No, get ready for Swartz to make some low IQ statement like "there are more straight child molestors than gay ones." He thinks we don't have access to top secret info like the fact that there are 99 times more straight people that homosexual. Per capita or percentage of the population, gay sex criminals are far, far above that of straight ones.

    But why should we care about the welfare of millions of children versus the happiness of thousands of noisy homosexuals? We care more about a tiny country in the middle east, smaller than most of our states, above the welfare of any cross section of the American population. Equality? Ha. All I see here is more victimization of the voiceless and the marginalized.

    Remember folks, it's not about equal treatment. It's about backing people with no voice further and further from the microphone. Poor whites, children and brown people whose land is in jewish demand need not apply. Haters. Terrorists. But at least they have a lable are slightly considered. That's more than the children get.

  8. No one is protesting homosexual relationships even if they are monogamous and long-term. Private sodomy is no longer a crime. A person's private sexual thoughts and behavior are unknown to others and there is no way a homosexual can be identified unless he declares himself.

    The fuss about gay marriage is an in-your-face attempt to normalize homosexuality by narrowing the definition of marriage to be "love between two consenting adults". This new definition leaves out all reference to the purpose of civil marriage, which is to recognize the procreative bond between man and woman and legitimize their offspring, which serves as the legal basis for family.

    Reducing the definition of marrige to be only about the desires and feelings of adults is harmful to families and to children.

  9. "Hooch" aka Anonymous is whining again. Starting to sound a lot like that idiot Chris Drake. I guess da world is not going the way his small little mind thinks it should. Self notes it makes dweeb bitter and resentful.

    See self's photo for life advice, Anonymous.

  10. let niggaz & jewz be faggots if they want cares?

    in the New White Imperium, proven faggotry will incur the death sentence!

    (GOD hates fags!

    OI! "not a real white man"....FUCK OFF!,'s interested in yr bull-shit "opinions"!

  11. Every so often a book comes along that varies people's lives. Invisible Kids ( is such a book. It necessarily changes the reader while working to change the lives of foster kids throughout America.

  12. niggaz, fem-bitches, faggots, free-masons & jews...

    CHOP 'em ALL up into ONE-INCH CUBES!

    then: up the chimney, without a trace!

    that's the way to save the White Race!

  13. when the 'Kwa goes "ape-shit" in about 18mnhts, i'll be "swingin' on by" there to "join in the fun"!...i got "a list" a mile long of fckn ZOG-bot filth i'm gunna "take out"....yr on it, cunt!

    be seein' ya, bitch!

    (mean-while: "enjoy" the innigeration on the 20th!)


  14. Even most of the white nationalist crowd detests Fred Phelps and lunacy - not jimbo, however.

    Angus...I understand your premise but could you eloborate on how this is "harmful to families and to children?"

    What is the definition of a "family?" Which is preferable - children being raised by a single parent who is struggling to make ends meet, working two jobs, and rarely at home or children being raised by two same-sex parents who can provide the necessities and spend quality time with them?

  15. oh my goodness, nothing like a little prejudicial oddness to make me wonder what the criteria for real and white are...
    “Contrary to popular belief, only 8% percent [of pedophiles] reported that they were exclusively homosexual in their adult preferences. The majority of men who molested boys (51 percent) described themselves as exclusively heterosexual in their adult partner preferences. An additional 19% reported they were predominately hetrosexual” (Abel & Harlow, 2002) taken from

    this is based on scientific research and empirical data.
    Bottom line: your child is much more safer with a Gay man as a teacher/consular/ babysitter/ PARENT – than with a straight man!

    perhaps a ban on hetrosexual males adopting is in order…

  16. I just love the rhetorical headline of your article.

    Who is hurt by this?

    Do you really have to ask?

    Homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to adopt children given the studies that prove that homosexuals have tendencies towards abusing children sexually.

    But to you heterosexual parents naming their kid "Hitler" is a more serious matter and more damaging to children.

    Get a reality check.

  17. Hey, anonymouse,

    I hate to tell you this but a man that has sex with another man or a young child who is male is in fact a homosexual.

    This isn't fucking rocket-science.

  18. “Contrary to popular belief, only 8% percent [of pedophiles] reported that they were exclusively homosexual in their adult preferences. The majority of men who molested boys (51 percent) described themselves as exclusively heterosexual in their adult partner preferences."

    You can't have your cake, and eat it too.

    Jeez, folks, read the conflicted verbiage above and ask yourself what it really means.

  19. “Contrary to popular belief, only 8% percent [of pedophiles] reported that they were exclusively homosexual in their adult preferences. The majority of men who molested boys (51 percent) described themselves as exclusively heterosexual in their adult partner preferences."

    You can't have your cake, and eat it too.

    Jeez, folks, read the conflicted verbiage above and ask yourself what it really means.

  20. It's very sad to see these poor kids being forced to be raised by two gay lovers. This is the most recent form of extreme child abuse that has been pushed by the liberals as being acceptable.

    BTW, Sponge Bob Shit Pants, AKA Fudgepacker, I do not have any need to write anything anonymously but by you saying so it is clear that you must be doing this. Nikki can see your IP when you do that you fool.


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